Do you have a tee shirt with a logo on it? Perhaps it says “Harley Davidson”, “Chevy”, “Bud Light”, or “Denver Broncos”? Or maybe it doesn’t have a logo; maybe it has some kind of message whether cute or serious. When I was a kid, they had shirt shops in the mall where you could pick out the color shirt and the press-on transfer you wanted. (Now days, people just get the tattoo, but in those days we got tee shirts with images and messages on them.) I had one that said, “U toucha da shirt… I breaka U face!”. But my best friend had one that said, “I’m with stupid”. (Wonder if he was trying to tell me something….)
Well, I can’t believe I am writing THIS entry on THIS blog. It seems waaaaaaaay out of range for the kind and style of content I usually publish. But it is related in a round about way. This is the kind of fun I have with HOMELESS people – in this case homeless children. Perhaps I am just getting a bit crazy from all the diaper changes!
Here’s the thing: Since we started taking in Foster Kids here at the Fat Beggars Prophetic Home for Orphans and Strays, I have had to learn a lot about child care – especially for infants. And it has been good. Fun, really. I am having a blast! I am learning that when you get hungry, you cry a lot. I am learning that not only do you crap yourself, you cry once you’ve done it, and then it’s my job to clean you up! I am learning that once you eat, you barf a lot! I won’t even mention bath time. Yeah! I am having more fun than you can believe!!! And I am noticing that all the baby clothes have some kind of message on them. Normally its pretty cute – not always my personal taste, but cute is the idea.
Baby Agent N has one little outfit that looks like a Mickey Mouse tuxedo. It is one of my favorites. The kid really pops in it. He wore one yesterday that said, “I woke up this Awesome”. Baby Agent B wore a little headband yesterday that looked like birthday cake sprinkles. She could have been the decoration for the party. And really, there is a pile of these things that reaches to the sky.
But most of the little messages are not quite my idea of cute, or maybe I think its cute, but does not match this kid… etc…. And this has me thinking: What message would I put on a little garment if I could?
I have been dreaming up some really funny ideas. Here are a few…
“My Diaper is Packing Heat, and I Ain’t Afraid to Use It!”
“I Didn’t Do It; It Wasn’t Me!”
“Pull My Finger”
“Don’t Be Fooled By My Innocent Smile: I Can Hurl Barf Up to 3 Feet Away!”
“If You Are Close Enough To Read This Shirt, You Are Standing In My Barf Zone!”
Anyway, I started thinking that if I asked my readers, you might offer some funny ideas for printing on baby clothes. Please feel free to leave your ideas in the comments. I would love to hear from you.
I need the laughs.
Fat Beggars School of Prophets 
My kid had one it said, out of the mouths of babes comes cereal. It doesn’t fit him anymore though
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