“ABUNDANT LIFE” BROUGHT TO YOU BY NAKED PEOPLE OF THE BIBLE (move over super bowl commercials)

And now a word from our sponsor:

Hi, folx.  Agent X here for NPB.

Are you a “Christian” in today’s world?  Feeling a little baffled by “the meaning of life”?  Do you feel the rug ripped out from under everything you ever stood for or believed as a kid now that the good name of Jesus is pulled in every direction except LOVE?

Are you confused about faith?

Are you seeking answers to life’s big questions?

Did the God-hates-fags Jesus let you down when your children came out of the closet?  Were you following “the God of grace” to the ballot box or to the mob scene on January 6th?  Alternatively, has your Jesus made smokey, backroom tradeoffs with the devil, convincing your daughter that her “right to choose” takes priority over your grandchild’s right to life?

How’s that “God of grace” thingy workin’ out for ya?  Is it just lipstick on a pig???

In short, America, has your Jesus traded in the Power of Love for the Love of Power?

If you are no longer satisfied with your Republican’t Jesus…

If you are no longer comforted by your Demoncrat Jesus…

Come.

Come to the Naked People of the Bible.

Here at Naked People of the Bible, we teach you what LOVE really means, how to experience LOVE, share LOVE, and show LOVE – real AGAPE LOVE, not those cheap imitations you find in glory holes, not the simple platitudes of greeting cards, but the complete devotion to God and his Rule which makes all things new.

Here at Naked People of the Bible, you will meet the Adam and his wife, Eve.  They will show you that when God created the world, he made them in his very image: male & female – also naked… and vulnerable (even completely naive!).  As such, they became sexual beings whose loving/trusting unions displayed God before the rest of creation.  Want to learn how to have “mountain moving sex”?  Ask the original sexual beings, whose complete trust and fidelity in God brought them together and gave them rule over all other creatures.

Here at Naked People of the Bible, you will meet Jesus who walks on water, heals many of various diseases and afflictions, who pays his taxes with no complaints from coins found in fish mouths.  You will meet the Jesus who, when completely stripped of every stitch of clothing and murdered in a horrific miscarriage of justice, then supremely bears the image of God, proving that without any worldly power known to humankind, and without a single stitch of clothing, pretense, and no pockets for any dimes he also does not have, is equipped to show us God’s very self and God’s self-sacrificial LOVE.

Here at Naked People of the Bible, you can take a seminar on the teachings of Jesus and learn that you don’t need your money for anything worthwhile in life, that giving it up is better.  You will learn that the widow’s two mites are worth more than all the offerings of all the rich people.  You will learn that you can give to all who ask.  You will learn that in fact, you lack one thing: sell everything you have, give the money to the poor, count your blessings in heaven, and come follow Jesus!

Here at Naked People of the Bible, you will meet 3,000 people, who just like you, once were lost but upon the unleashing of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost were baptized and joined the Jesus movement, who also quickly began selling their possessions and giving it all to the church so that no one had need of anything, and therein found abundant life!  You will meet missionaries who carried the good news of this LOVE around the world, seeking the Kingdom of God first while all their needful things were added unto them abundantly.

If you find your life is driven by market forces, political hype, war, and hysteria, but the meaning of life is lacking and you have no abundance, come to the Naked People of the Bible.

Repent today!

Act now while supplies of the Age which is Passing Away last!

One comment

  1. harolene · February 15

    GOOD ONE!! Yes, all caps on purpose 😇

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s