(WARNING: Read this joke at your own risk! No doubt there are a few church people around with buttons this one will push. Hope you are still laughing at the other end.)
Little Johnny, after begging and pleading with his father for months, was finally allowed to ride the church bus to worship one Sunday. But when he returned home, he had two black eyes.
His daddy was shocked. “Johnny!” he exclaimed, “How did you get a pair of black eyes in church???”
Little Johnny, looking down at the floor in utter shame, replied, “Well, Daddy, the liturgy required us to stand up part of the time, sit back down part of the time, and kneel part of the time. And there was this nice lady in the pew in front of me who… well… every time she stood up, her dress got stuck in her butt crack a little. I kept looking at that thinking, ‘She doesn’t want her dress stuck there like that.’ So, I finally reached in there and plucked it out for her.”
“Hmmm…” said the dad, “That explains one black eye. How did you get the other?”
“Well, Daddy, when I realized it got her mad, I pulled it out, I put it right back.”