Did I miss anything?
There’s a lot to be outraged about going on out there, what with a war in Ukraine, Biden’s state of the union troops address, and everything Trump. Was there another church shooting? Or was it a school? I can’t keep up.
But rest assured. I am OUTRAGED! I might have missed a chance to post it, but I have remained true to the outrage cause. The cause may be lost, but the outrage is found! Arm first-graders and teach them to shoot back! (That’s what I always say.)
I’m okay! I’m okay. Just a little outraged is all…. Thank God, and may he get all the glory. I was standing up for my unalienable God-given rights, like a good Christian is supposed to do, when the liberal media said something. I was in the bathroom shoving Ivermectin up my butt and missed something to be mad about.
But listen to me psycho babble…
The thing is this: I was going to the school board meeting to voice God’s will that our children should not be forced to wear masks in school. This is a free country. We are not Nazis! Damn it. We are CHRISTIANS!
Anyway, it occurred to me that I needed to protect myself from COVID while there at the school board meeting, since there is sure to be shouting and shooting, but since I ain’t going to wear one of those godless masks or get one of those computer chip injections, I figured I better double up on my Ivermectin enema. I also guzzled two cups of my uncle’s urine, just to be safe. (Tasted pregnant!)
Anyway, I am a law -n- order, abidin’ citizen, a good Christian who is righteously pissed off, and it turns out ivermectin makes a slower enema than the usual stuff. So, it was taking too long. So, I was kinda in a bind running around the house trying to find my Glock and extra clip (like American Express, don’t leave home without it!), with Ivermectin oozing in my shorts.
(Well, that part’s a little personal.)
Anyway, so I was running late then. But that’s no excuse to break the law.
So, I dutifully hopped in my truck, put on my seatbelt, and drove the speed limit all the way to the school, 40 mph on State Street, 55 mph on Heritage HWY West for six miles, then 35 mph on Wilson Ave up to the school zone where I dutifully slowed for the flashing warning light and cut off my cell phone call. I stopped at every stop light along the way. (It’s the law.) And so, I was late.
Late and oozing.
Oozing and outraged.
Starting to get a little irritable.
And there were all these masked idiots shouting like Nazis at us NEO-nazis, and they tell me I missed my chance to speak. They all act like no one cares about not wearing a mask anymore; they think bringing an AR-15 to school, legally purchased at 18 is a bad thing! And I want to respond in my outrage, I really do, but the Ivermectin is just slowing me down.
At first all eyes were on me, so I began explaining we have these God-given rights not to wear masks and forcing us to wear them infringes on our freedom! You can’t let liberals muzzle you like that. First, they take your guns, then they take away your right to smile like God says in his holy book right there in Second Opinions chapter 11 bankruptcy.
Anyway, thank God for my unalienable right to vote! (I’m white, so that goes without saying.) And thank God for the electoral college. It’s better than “stealing” an election. And thank God he is gracious with “pussy-grabbers” like me.
Did I miss somethin???
Oh… no more abortions? Hell, I am livin’ proof God didn’t want no abortions. That’s why we have the death penalty. You gotta let these criminals shoot up a school before you kill them. God made guns so that good guys with guns could stop bad guys with guns! (Stupid liberals always screwing that up in the media.)
What’s this country coming to?
Our schools can do better, y’all.
(“Lyin’ Ted” for President!)
Sorry, I think I got a little Ivermectin on ya there, Jethro. Got a hanky?
God bless America!
I’m outraged. Anybody wanna fight?
Just remember, your vote don’t count. Mine does, but yours? (Are you white enough to vote?) Don’t bring a ballot to a gunfight, son.
Oops. I’m still oozing.