I know it was hard to get up out of bed this morning. I know you struggle with some form of PTSD, that there is a lethargy and a spirit of loss oppressing you, sapping your strength, and holding you down. I know that I don’t fully understand all of that either, that in many ways I add to your burden even when I try to help.

Anyway, I want to validate all of that. I don’t believe for a minute that is who you are. I have known you these many years, and this is not your character. This is your burden. And despite it, you got up and got us all out the door to go honor Jesus today.

Also, I know it was hard to face five – 5, count’m 1,2,3,4,5 – little people, some of them completely and utterly dependent for every aspect of “getting ready” and others with behavior problems and all of them with their individual concerns and load them up and get them to Sunday school. I know that even once they were strapped in and the car was rolling, they still presented challenges, and it was hard even to hear meaningful conversation with me over all the fighting and fussing from the back seats.

I want to validate all of that too. And I know it all adds to your burden. I know you were tired today in worship and didn’t “feel it.”

But what I really want to say is that just the mere fact of going to worship with you today was amazing – in fact, it was downright heroic!

I am amazed, I know that. Even if no one else is amazed, I am. If no one else tells you they are amazed, I will. I see what happened this morning, and I am stunned by it. I am thankful I get to be on your team, and hopeful that Jesus finds me acceptable, in no small part because I was with you. Wow! Today, going to church was God’s work!

It was no small thing on a good day. It was all the more loving and sacrificial on a hard one! I see Jesus in you! It’s apocalyptic! But I see him in you.

I can’t help but think how those five little people, if they didn’t have you in their life, almost certainly would not have got up and gone to worship today. In fact, if left to their birth parents, they almost certainly would have endured hell this morning, not worship. Their ticket to ride is expensive, and you pay it, but you head off hell on earth ushing heaven on earth instead by taking these kids into our home and then giving them to Jesus in worship this morning. I am amazed by it.

The fact that you currently endure personal struggles that make that far harder than it otherwise would be prompts me to see it for myself, and I have a front row seat! I am a participant, but I could have missed it. I have a much deeper appreciation watching you struggle to do this magnificent work than I otherwise would. I see behind the veil. I see angels meeting us as you hand babies off to them so they can play with Jesus for a couple of hours.

Ooooooh Babe, what a sight I see! the wheels within wheels, the eyes all about, the throne and the elders casting down their crowns! I see it all! And I see it because I watched you as you struggled simply to kick off the covers this morning and take a cup of coffee. I see you endure the behaviors of those who act out their fetal alcohol syndrome one minute only to sing praises to Jesus the next! Your sacrifice this morning helped that healing thing to happen, and I saw it! Praise God! I saw it, and I see him in you.

I want to thank you for your service. You shepherded sheep to worship this morning when you didn’t feel like it, and the lambs you brought were all lost lambs until you rounded them up and brought them to the fold. Thank you for that.

God bless you, Ms. Agent X.

God bless you!



  1. Great blog. I needed to read this today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Agent X · October 30

      Thanx for saying that, Ace.

      I didn’t mention this in the post (didn’t know how it fit), but I watched the Netflix documentary on the Night Stalker, Richard Ramirez, earlier this last week. I saw his name come up in a couple other places too, recently, and so, I was curious.

      Most of the documentary covers the fear – fear first and foremost – but also the investigation, the carnage, the notoriety, and so many aspects of that case (even the irony of the “groupies” that fell for him!). But sandwiched deep within the film between all the other sensational aspects, there were a few bizarre observations which, if you are careful to care about them, are sorta humanizing of this infamous troublemaker.

      He was raised in El Paso, Texas by an abusive family. Sadistically abusive. Among the tortures young Richard Ramirez suffered, when his father was upset with him, he was tied to a cross in a graveyard and left there over night!

      I know now how you create a monster!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Agent X · October 30

        Oops! Wasn’t done when I bumped the send button.

        Anyway, I have had that little boy who grew up to be the Night Stalker on my heart all week. When we got to church this morning with our little circus, I saw the hope of heaven open up.

        I realized that we all have Ms. Agent X to thank, her and Jesus, for the chance at healing going on there.

        WE have a few little kids who are now plucked from hells fires, unlike young Ramirez, and given to Jesus, at least today. And I hope Jesus does even more in these little broken lives than the devil did with Richard Ramirez’s broken little life.

        I am hopeful!


  2. Anonymous · October 30

    May God bless all of you richly. Thank you for what you do


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s