The Stand-up, Sit-down, Poop Pump

Last summer I offered parenting advice based on my experiences with toddlers and babies here at the Fat Beggars Home for Widows, Orphans, and Sojourners.  I don’t consider myself an expert or guru by any stretch, but I learn some things here and there that just might be useful for others.  You will find the previous advice linked here:

Thus I make this kind of offering.


In recent weeks, I have developed a little program I call the Stand-up, Sit-down, Poop Pump as a means of ensuring a better quality nap-time.  Here is how it works:

After lunch, as you clean up the toddlers still in their high chairs, get their little hands and faces wiped down, but leave them where they sit – briefly.  I am not suggesting you walk away and forget them, but give them a few minutes after for thorough digestion.

This is a good time to read a short Dr. Seuss book.  Just 5 or 10 extra minutes should do the trick.

Now every kid is different, but I have a marauding horde of toddlers here, so experience for me expands exponentially and fast.  And it is my experience that sitting and digesting helps start the process of getting that diaper dirty with the 2-point scores, but rarely gets the job finished.  So after the book is read and the kids are wiped down, give the toddlers another 10 – 15 minutes to play with toys in the play pen where they will actively stand up and sit down and run around squatting and so forth.

The squatting position is where the real cash value is.  But moving in and out of it acts like a poop pump system, which is important because after you get this diaper changed, it will likely be more than 2 or even three hours before they need another.

Now your kids are ready for nap time.  And once they fall asleep, they will not be awakened by any harsh, rash-causing messes in their pants.  If you keep your Metallica jams in the headphones, they should have no reason to wake up for the next hour at least.

Remember you heard it hear first!

And we look forward to sharing more time-saving, mess-reducing ideas with you in the future.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s