THINKING ABOUT COVID FARTS

I worked so hard for two and a half years to avoid contracting COVID.  In fact, I am pretty good at it.  I know how to do it.  I can avoid it in almost any circumstance.  I am pretty happy with that track record, truth be known.

But, of course, there are some circumstances I just cannot avoid, circumstances which require a cooperation with the public that just ain’t forthcoming.  I’m not mad, though.  I might be a bit cynical, but I’m not bitter.

We have come a long way, baby.  There are vaccines, treatments, and a lot more understanding of this deadly disease now than there was two years ago when Americans were dropping like flies and shutting down.

I bravely faced the risks, but I managed them as carefully as I could too.  I don’t apologize for that.  I probably saved a lot of lives despite the guff I took from people who hate(d) me for it.  To them, I say, “You’re welcome.”

But this highly contagious disease was bound to catch me eventually.  One week into the new school year, and all those people unwilling to mask up (thank you so much for that) circulated it around my kids, and here we are.  It worked its way into my home, and I got it.

I’m one of those who fought hard, outlasted most, and finally it’s my turn.

I have been reading, listening to, and hearing from such people for a few months now, and there is a funny little phenom we seem to share.  We have a THOUGHT about catching it.  What’s it like?  This bug we have fought so hard against all this time?  What do you THINK now that it’s got its tentacles in ya?

Yeah, bloggers, comedians, friends… people talk about this.  Not everyone, but among those of us who succumb after so much fight, some do.  There’s a THOUGHT to be had about it.

And of course, it’s something more than just “glad to be alive.”  It’s something more than “glad to be able to smell and taste.”  It’s something other than “grateful it’s not worse.”  And, it seems, it’s something different for everyone.

Let me tell you what it is for me.  Here is what I THINK now that I have COVID:

I know this is going to be a little crude, but do you remember among all the strange headlines over the last few years, everything from bleach your takeout food and shove Ivermectin up your butt, to elderly people weeping at the thought of going into the grocery store and dying for eggs and milk, there was another more obscure headline that almost faded away.  I am talking about the COVID FART.

Yes, the COVID fart.  There was a headline back there somewhere in all the whirlwind of fear and loathing which ANALyzed the toxicity of breaking wind when you are infected!

I’m sure you remember it.

It’s all I can think about!

Suddenly, my butt is literally SILENT BUT DEADLY!

I just want to walk maskless into your interruption at the school board meeting and quietly cut the cheese while you rant!  The thought amuses me!  I actually slay myself laughing over it, which sends me into a coughing fit!  But my God, it’s funny!

I bet you hope I am wearing UNDERWEAR!  That homeless minister might go commando and you just wish you had your mask!

But seriously, folx.  I don’t want to kill anyone.  So, I am keeping my butt at home these days.

4 comments

  1. Tim McGee · 18 Days Ago

    Hope for a full and speedy recovery from this, X! Peace and blessings to you, Mrs. X and all the little X’s in your care.

    Like

  2. phroneticchristian · 18 Days Ago

    Like you, I dodged the COVID bullet for 2 ½ years. My high schooler brought it home the second day of class and infected all of us. It wasn’t so terribly bad, since we had multiple shots and boosters. So we isolated. Absorbing each other’s farts wasn’t infectious, just noxious.

    Like

  3. harolene · 18 Days Ago

    I’m so sorry 🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️

    Like

  4. laceduplutheran · 18 Days Ago

    Prayers for a speedy and full recovery. I especially pray that you do not have any lasting or long COVID effects. They suck.

    Like

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